40 Days

Well, it's that time of year again, Lent and as a "raised" Catholic I am feeling the struggle of whether or not I want to participate this year. I have pretty much been an "nonpracticing" catholic for the past 10 years of my life (ever since I was on my own and able to make my own choices come Sunday morning). When you grow up with a Catholic education for 12 years of your young life, you begin to not really know where you stand on faith, or at least I have.

Last year, when G and I were getting married, my mother INSISTED we get married in the Catholic church, and thus, not to argue with the authority, we did. We basically had to use their church membership to do it (and knowing a priest doesnt hurt either). But we never actually joined a parish when we got married. We only go to church these days on Easter, Xmas and any other important holiday my mother wishes us to go, like Mother's Day or whatever.

So now, that Lent is around I am finding that I want to participate and "give up" something. Maybe it's because I like a challenge (like not eating out for the month of January) but I am still finding it hard to even go to the Ash Wednesday service tonight. My faith just isnt there. There are things I agree with and things I don't and so I don't really know what to do or what it means any more.

I guess this is a struggle that everyone goes through with at least once in their life, trying to figure out Faith and what it means and how it can benefit your life. And maybe I'll be in this struggle for a long time, maybe I'll never really figure it out. So what to do about Lent? Do I take this time to participate and work on faith? do it for the challenge? or just say screw it?

what would I "give up" anyway? somehow sodas and junk food (like most people) doesnt seem to fit it what is supposed to be all about.

I'm lost.

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