Monday, April 6, 2009

I'm mad today..

Nothing seems to be going right.

I wrote last week that my father was going back in for a CAT scan because he had been having headaches. Well we decided to keep in the hospital over night just to make sure everything was OK and so he could see the doctors first thing in the morning. The CAT scan had determined that the tumor had grown, but we did another MRI on friday to get a more accurate reading. We then decided it that we would talk to the doctors this week about the next step.

Well last night, my father, again, had a headache he couldnt get rid of. And when my mom looked at his head at 7 am, he was starting to develop some kind of growth on his head, near his scar. So she took him to the neurosurgeon's office. They did, yet another, MRI to decide what had changed since friday. (did I tell you, we dont like MRI's?! They have yet to give us good news). And now, he has an infection in the part of the brain where the tumor is, and to make it worse, it has spread to the bone. So, he is undergoing another brain surgery tomorrow to remove the bone and to work on the tumor as well. Hopefully they will be able to put these chemo wafers in that they were unable to put in the first time.

I am extremely mad, upset, lost, numb, whatever today. I dont know what to do. There is nothing I can do. He doesnt deserve this. He couldnt have lived a healthier life. Why do bad things happen to good people. I am trying to have faith right now. Faith in what? I dont know. Life, Humanity, karma. something. I even went to church yesterday on my own accord, and tried to really get something out of it. maybe its not for me. But I need something. I need help. He needs help. This all doesnt make sense. Cancer sucks.

4 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear this, Lauren...I'll be thinking about you guys tomorrow & I hope the surgery is successful.

    ReplyDelete
  2. We're all pulling for your family Lauren. Lots of prayers your way!

    ReplyDelete
  3. La-
    You know my prayers are ALWAYS with you but try to remember the following even though I know you are having a very hard time with your faith in God right now.

    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.


    You are being given lemons and somehow have to learn how to make lemonade, I am not sure how to do that and I know you aren't either but you will figure it out. Shitty things happen to good people all of the time and that's just how LIFE goes unfortunately.

    But, you know I love ya and to call me if you need anything!!

    -Anne

    ReplyDelete